Daisy
writes:
I remember that my brother tried to help us accept his condition thru
humor and although it did ease us into acceptance it also kept us at a
sort of emotional distance. I think this emotional distance was
important to him. He did not want huge expressions of concern.
Perhaps this would have felt weakening to him. And I imagine for
someone newly diagnosed the effort to stay strong and positive is a
survival response. I believe initially it should be honored
however it is expressed.
The diagnosed person should never
feel as though they have become CANCER with a small self caught
inside...but are still themselves ... with cancer. Perhaps not wanting
to talk about it at first is the process by which someone digs down
deep for strength so that they can finally cope when some of the tough
realities of treatment, etc. are activated. I think the most helpful
practical approach would be to insure that this person finds the very
best doctor in her area. And perhaps the friend, if willing,
could do a little research to keep current with what is happening in
treatment. She might ask to accompany her friend to doctor's
visits...or at least insure that someone accompanies her... because
there should be someone there with pad and pencil ... who takes notes
of what the doctor says and asks the necessary questions. I think the
important positive aspect of this person's reaction is that she is
determined to get better... this means that although she doesn't want
to talk about it ... she will go for treatment and strive to defeat
it...the downside is she won't be an advocate for herself. But this is
also an initial response to shocking news. It seems to me an
"I will beat it" first response is good ... undoubtedly she
will need strong support when the time comes for her to begin to
acknowledge what has actually happened to her. She will
need someone close by to listen when she does want to talk.
When I first researched NHL ... and
found out that indolent lymphoma was probably "incurable"
this seemed to me the worst possible news. However, thanks to
this list and the proactive members I feel that viewing it as
incurable is mistakenly self-defeating. Rather view it as
manageable ... strive to successfully hold the tide back ..because
there is so much activity and research to discover more lastingly
effective treatments that the idea expressed by Dr. Folkman that it
will be a controllable disease similar to diabetes will be true in the
near future. This is why the concept of strong persistent
advocates is so important. Why it is necessary to present the
facts to lawmakers and remind them of the widespread existence
of NHL and convince them that finding an answer to what will halt
NHL's onward
progression will also answer many other questions concerning the
immune system. They need to be encouraged and persuaded to
extend and increase research funding.
Perhaps knowing that this battle is being
fought will help the newly diagnosed person view her future with a
positive life affirming sense of hopefulness.
All the Best, - Daisy
