Rapture
I
I savor the sweetness of your voice,
Of your breast so soft against mine…
The laughter of the sea comes back to haunt me,
Reminding me of how loving you were.
I am in awe of the instant familiar feelings
You bring to me when we touch.
The connection of our souls in a flash
That leaves me blinded;
Blinking away the light,
The Sun reflecting on the water,
Your eyes seeing so deep in my soul.
So often the years pass untouched, unharmed by aging.
I speak to you in the middle of our conversation,
yesterday being five years or more.
I savor it,
I want it, I cherish it.
The mating of our souls, the bonding of our hearts.
The making of our love on the sand in a gentle breeze.
My Spirit forever unbound by the Earth.
Soaring in the Heavens,
Leaping along the Clouds,
Ecstatic among the Stars.
Amazed by the connections I feel in so many,
So many hearts, so many minds,
So many souls I have touched and Have yet to touch.
I savor the goodness in the people I meet, those who have yet to experience the Knowledge:
The suffering of endings and new beginnings.
I weep, but not in horrible pain, not in the pain and fear of
Being abandoned, left alone, sweltering in my own mind’s rhetoric.
My tears now are of life and lives lived and unlived.
Songs that have not yet been sung,
The poetry of my soul not yet written.
I weep in joy,
I dance among the stars,
I long for the beauty of the waves of the ocean to return to me.
Pulsing over and over me in ecstatic abandon.
My blood remembering the feel of life;
So sweet it was, just as a child’s innocence…
Before.
Before the cancer. Before the growth of life unwanted inside me.
Before; before the death of those innocent cells,
No where to go, flushed out by the science of a new generation…
I weep now for all my body has endured,
For all the steps it took to begin dieing,
To then come back into life after being so close,
So close to Death’s Gateway.
I saw the Angel of Death so clear, Shrouded in a veil and I believed.
I believed her message of Life and Death,
I believed in the Angelic forces.
And although I did not fear Her, I recognized the implications she brought.
Was I ready for this next journey?
I found in my soul the knowledge of the Angels. And how clear it all became.
I sought Her and She Appeared, The Angel of Life.
And hope, the Angel who could lend me strength to renew.
I spoke with her and prayed as she sat on my Bed.
She brought me a Fairy from the Ocean, Caught in rapture.
She brought me my Soul and the knowledge of Life and Death,
The oh so close fragility of our moorings.
Perched on the wind,
Standing out on the ledge of the Stars and the Heavens.
I meditated with the Fey in my darkest of times and
With Her I found myself comforted.
The Angel of Death never far behind, sought to be soothed in other ways.
For now, She waits, hidden by the cloak of a million time lines and clocks.
Forever ticking yet not clanging on the hour. Not Yet…
I brought my soul to you to retrieve it.
I asked only that you hold me, make the darkness disappear.
And with you I found solace and sleep like a drug prescribed for the Dieing.
You brought me life and infused my veins with nectar,
Its sweetness overcame the bitterness of all other infusions.
You held me in your arms and I have returned.
Returned to renew all the other sweet times and embraces
That I have sought with a few.
And let me take pleasure in their love for me and my forever enduring love for them.
How few can claim this?
This improbable freedom of choice, Of love I claim only for me.
How the Sun does shine today, How warm the rain,
How complete is the night when Dawn arrives.
How filled I am when we kiss.
How complete the sky is with the Stars.
How the Moon brings me Her light, and finds me in the night.
Stay with me tonight.
Stay and tell me your darkest fears, your Soul’s journey.
Wake me in the night to claim your space next to my heart
to hear its beating rhythm like the drums
That play for the living and the dead.
In your own heart is a rhythm not unlike my own.
We beat in sync with Natures’,
The croaking of the frogs, the tapping of the woodpecker.
How I long to hear the echo of our sighs in the wind.
So far yet so close now that flesh can no longer separate our union.
Soaring timelessly among the living.
II
It was in a dream I saw you first.
It was when I dreamed of the fairy lights, and flew thru a blue indigo sky.
I Recognized your voice, Saw the light in your eyes,
Recognized the familiar taste on my tongue.
I savored you,
Let the flavor penetrate so deep inside me until my Soul opened with a longing I’ve never known.
It was then the doors opened into my sanctuary,
A place I found in your heart.
I huddled there, So afraid to come out for fear of losing you.
Of losing a high no chocolate could replace.
Savoring the days and nights, the heat and the cold,
The amazing way you take me into other worlds and bring me knowledge of myself.
Basking in your awe of me, letting go in your eyes.
Take me into the wilderness, love me with complete abandon,
Chase me in to the heart of the Forest
Where the trees speak the language of the Fey and the Mystics guide our union.
III
When I was dieing, I wanted you near me.
I feared the Darkness and the light.
If I were to die today, I want you with me.
I want our song in my ears as I drift into morning.
I want your music, I want those around me now close by.
The comfort of my children,
The prayers of the people I’ve met vibrating,
Lifting me into the Spirit of The Sky.
I sprouted wings tonight
As I huddled into myself.
My back stretched and opened and there they came.
A Gift, Glorious and filled with transparent blue.
I loved Myself in that moment, Loved my body and all it has sustained.
Feeling I have returned to my truest form.
Fluttering and quivering in ecstasy,
A Fairy caught in rapture.
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