To those of you who have just joined
this group [nhl-follic], don't give up the ship just yet. This is an
excerpt from a letter I wrote just after finding this site. I've
come to realize over the last few months, that having this type of
cancer isn't "THE END", it's just a nasty bump in the road
of life.
"I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes in a
panic. I get to the point where I'm half awake/half asleep and the
wheels just start spinning. By the time I'm fully alert, I'm also
fully out of control. By that point I'm already dead, buried and
long forgotten, and completely in the rats. My wife is usually
awakened by my thrashing around and finishes waking me. Then she
sets about trying to calm me down. It's been getting much less
frequent, and not nearly so severe.
Now
I'm usually just kind of bummed out for awhile. Initially it was
very bad, especially during the first 2 weeks. In honesty it
terrifies me to think that someday I won't be there to see any of
the real milestones in my daughters life. I cried, sometimes for
hours, because of all the things I wouldn't get to see or do with my
daughter. And sometimes it still hurts, A LOT."
That was six months ago. The reply I got was full of understanding
from someone who has already gone down this part of the road. I have
received letters from several people on this site that prove, you
are
not alone, there are other people out there who understand, because
they are also going through this themselves. So take heart, it's
always a good day when you're looking at the top side of the sods,
instead of the bottom. And the research is still going on to
hopefully sometime find a real cure.
