The main help we've gotten from people has been food.

A dinner that is easy to stick in the microwave or oven can really help at
the end of a long day or just when you are really tired.

Ask about any dietary restrictions they have given him due to low counts.
Things that are completely cooked (no salads) are likely to be good.

A help we have given someone else is helping them with a Caringbridge site
so that other people know what is going on. See www.caringbridge.org 
for how to do it.
 

I agree that asking what they need is good.

But I would have ready some specific suggestions (such as those above,
cleaning, shopping). A completely broad question is too hard.
It puts the burden on me to figure out something for them.
 

Also, if you are nearby just letting them know that you are available 24/7 in an emergency or when they need an errand is good. We'll always be grateful to the friend who drove my wife to the ER to meet me there. That way we only had one car the next day when they released me and I was too drugged up to drive. Also, she didn't have to drive while worried.

Karl Writes: 
 

You might inquire if he wants someone to come along when he receives treatments and for follow up consults - to take him there but also to take notes, make sure all his questions are answered ... or make mention of side effects he might forget to ask about.

I think having a trusted caregiver participate in the consults (in a low key way - listening mostly) can be very helpful and it tends to improve the quality of the consult according to one report by Consumers guide.
 

Anger, anxiousness, or anxiety, and denial of same

Feelings that are persistent, which diminish your quality of life and ability to function:

	Something bad is going to happen, or feeling empty
	Guilt,  sadness, worthlessness, and/or helplessness/or pessimism
	Fear of losing control

Decrease in sociability

Poor eating habits - overeating or appetite loss 

Physical symptoms that are persistent, which diminish your quality of life and ability to function:

	fatigue and exhaustion
	aches or pains, headaches, cramps,
	digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

Postponing or missing medical appointments

Loss of interest in hobbies and activities that once interested you (including sex)

Nervousness and restlessness - tense feelings, trembling and shaking

Sleep problems (insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping) 

Thinking or problem solving deficits - inability to organize or prioritize

Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts 

Gently invite the patient or caregiver to talk about his or her fears and concerns. 

Avoid forcing a discussion about feelings and stress.

Listen carefully without judging the other’s feelings, or your own.

Decide together what specific things you can do to be supportive of each other.

For severe anxiety, reasoning might not be helpful. 
 
Instead, talk with your doctors about the symptoms and problems you notice.

Call the doctor if you or your partner is having trouble breathing, is sweating, or feeling very restless or showing signs of profound exhaustion. 

Let yourself be alone for a short time to clear your head - a change of scenery—even a brief walk can make a difference. 

Exercise has many benefits — t promotes better sleep, reduces tension and depression, lifts spirits, and increases energy. Think of ways you can fit exercise into your daily routine.

Go to a movie or have lunch with a friend. 

Let others take part in the work of care giving. 

Make list of tasks and put them in order of importance.  This can reduce feelings of being overwhelmed and aid in helping others to help you.

Talking about feelings that you or family members may be having.

Try to accept feelings of sadness and frustrated as being normal.

Avoid blaming yourself and others when you feel anxious and afraid.

Try to identify the cause of the stress (usually a thought or opinion) and talk about it.

Try to learn about the disease and the treatment options.  Uncertainty about the unknown contributes to fear.

Seek counseling and support groups.  See Support Groups

Use prayer, meditation, or other types of spiritual support.

Exercise to promote better sleep, reduces tension and depression, and increase energy. 
Try to fit exercise into your daily routine.  See Exercise

Try relaxation exercises or activities: yoga, take warm baths; read a book; listen to music;
see a movie with a friend ...

Talk with your doctor about the possible use of medicine for anxiety.  See Anxiety

New: NCI Caring for the Caregiver: Support for Cancer Caregivers Cancer.gov | PDF

Online Depression Screening Test: med.nyu.edu
 
This is "a preliminary screening test for depressive symptoms that does not replace
in any way a formal psychiatric evaluation."

Depression Resource  nci.nih.gov 

Caregivers resource page  andthoushalthonor.org 

Caregiver Support  capitalhospice.org

Caring for the Patient with Cancer at Home: A Guide for Patients and Families ACS.org

Caregivers Often Neglect Their Mental Health  ACS.org

Chronic illness interjects complications into marriage  about.com 

Cancer effects entire family  plwc.org 

"Cancer doesn't happen to just one person. Cancer happens to couples, families, and friends. The complex emotions and lifestyle changes that follow a cancer diagnosis can be almost as overwhelming for family members and friends as they are for the person with cancer. Cancer can change the way you relate to your family and friends, and the way they relate to you."

Anxiety resource page - PAL

	Antidepressant information - PAL
	Counseling resources - PAL
	Meditation resources - PAL

Caregiver booklets from NCI:

When-Someone-You-Love-Has-Advanced-Cancer

When-Someone-You-Love-Has-Completed-Cancer-Treatment

When-Someone-You-Love-Is-Treated

Support Groups  PAL

This is an excellent radio broadcast on the impact of terminal illness
on a marriage and family-- its a tough listen but very well done  NPR.org